Acting Like Nothing
by exorcistor
Summary: While Jensen didn't have much time to miss Misha on set, Dean obviously felt the effects of his friend's betrayal deeply. It was interesting to explore this side of his character, though it wasn't quite the same. Then came 7.17. Jensen-centric, Destiel.


Word count: 4151

Genre: romance

Rating: worksafe

Note: See, this idea came to me somewhere between watching 7.17 and seeing the promo for 7.21. I wanted to explore the concept of the actors agreeing with the Destiel pairing, or at least thinking about it. There will be no RPS here, unless you squint like your life depended on it.

* * *

Just knowing that it existed wasn't a problem; he knew both him and Misha were good-looking guys (hey, even straight men could realize this about each other) and though he didn't understand why these women would prefer to imagine the two of ithem/i together instead of, for example, themselves with either of them, to each their own, right? It took all kinds to make a world, after all. Neither of them let it affect their working together; they were both professionals, and since no one apart from Jared - who for some reason seemed to think the whole deal about fanfiction was hilarious - commented on it, it wasn't that difficult to ignore.

And, if he was completely honest, Jensen had to admit that it wasn't impossible to see where it had come from. Really, it wasn't like he hadn't wondered about the way Misha played Castiel himself, in the beginning, what with the staring and the deep voice (they'd made a game out of that, bit by bit, and when he thought about it, perhaps matching his own baritone to Misha's hadn't been such a good idea; they'd both complain about their sore throats after shooting... not to mention the female fans seemed to savour it a ilittle bit/i too much). He and Misha had completely different chemistry than him and Jared; that was what made working with both of them so interesting.

Still, as Jensen didn't spend a lot of time worrying about what the fans thought up behind their own closed doors, acting with Misha didn't feel strange, and neither of them were affected much by the strange fantasies of the female fans, no matter how much they seemed to hope for the opposite.

And then it didn't matter anymore, because Misha's contract was up and Cas walked into the lake, taking the Leviathan with him. Dean was left standing on the shore with his friend's coat dripping in his hands, and Jensen, Misha, Jim and Jared shared a silent moment together at the end of the day, to celebrate a job well done as well as mourn for the character they'd all come to enjoy acting with. Jensen could notice Misha attempting to joke about it, he was saying something about finally being able to move back to warmer climate, and Jared proposed a toast "to Castiel, without whom Dean and Sam are gonna get themselves killed twice as many times per episode!". Jim and Misha quickly moved on to discussing Random Acts and how Misha's role on Supernatural had affected his organisation, while Jensen was developing a headache and soon needed to excuse himself to go to his trailer, call Danneel, and get some sleep.

The next day, they all waved goodbye to Misha as he left for the airport, and went back to shooting the rest of season seven.

Strangely enough, Jensen's headache hadn't gone away over the night like he thought it would.

Nor did it go away the next night. Or the night after that.

Not until he got a full weekend off, and had the time to go home to Danneel and really relax for a while, did he start feeling a bit better.

There was no denying that the set of Supernatural wasn't the same without the occasional appearance of one Misha Collins. Jared and Jensen still had a lot of fun working together, as they always had, and though season seven turned out to be pretty much the most depressing story-line he'd ever acted out, Jensen still enjoyed playing Dean. It was interesting seeing where the recent developments in plot would take his character, despite it turning out to be such a self-destructive road.

While Jensen didn't have much time to miss Misha on set, Dean obviously felt the effects of his friend's betrayal deeply. His way of dealing with guilt and sorrow was very different from Jensen himself, so it was interesting to explore this side of his character, even though both him and Jared agreed that it wasn't quite the same to act out Sam and Dean together anymore, and that it was quite sad to see them both this miserable.

Then.

Then came episode seventeen.

They shot the scenes with only Dean and Sam first, as Misha wasn't scheduled to fly in for a few more days. Because of a few complications, neither him nor Jared had time to go to the airport to pick Misha up like they had hoped to, and when they finally finished, it was so late and Jensen was so exhausted that he just said goodnight before dropping dead in his trailer. Jensen only had the energy to send Danneel a quick text before he crawled under the covers. The last thing he heard before drifting into the welcoming land of zees, was Jared laughing loudly from the next trailer over; apparently exhaustion to the point of crying wasn't a good enough reason for him to skip out on his daily phone call to Gen. Freak.

On Misha's first day back on set, Jensen woke up to his alarm clock and a happy text from Danneel which wished him luck and told him to give Misha a warm hug from her. He blinked a couple of times, staring narrow-eyed at his phone before remembering. He practically jumped out of bed after that, getting dressed and heading down to the food tent, where Misha was already seated with a bowl of cereal. The other man looked up at Jensen as he approached.

"And here I thought I'd be greeted with fanfares and skimpily clad cheerleaders, what a disappointment," he said, raising an eyebrow.

Jensen shrugged, smiling. "We tried, but none of the orchestras knew your favourite songs and all the cheerleaders were scared off by Jared's hulk-like appearance. Sorry."

Misha grinned. "Well. At least you tried."

Jensen offered the other actor his hand. "It's good to have you back."

Misha used it to pull himself to his feet and proceeded to give Jensen a big hug. "It's good to be back, too." He leaned back, taking in Jensen's most likely rather dishevelled appearance. "Rough filming? Are we keeping schedule?"

Jensen nodded. "We worked our butts off yesterday and didn't go to bed until after one, but yeah. We're moving straight onto our scenes today."

"You're gonna need some time with hair and makeup though."

Jensen shrugged again. "Not really; Dean's supposed to look like a wreck most of the time now anyways."

Misha laughed. "Poor guy. I haven't really kept up with the show, how are they holding up?"

The rest of the breakfast was spent telling Misha about what had been going on with Supernatural since Castiel left. Too soon, one of the light crew came by to remind them to start getting ready. The mood in the wardrobe trailer was light; mostly everyone was delighted to have Misha back and jokes and jest filled the air around them. They spent the day shooting the car scenes, and Jensen was almost shocked about how easy it was for the two of them to fall right back into the routine they'd had during their years of working together. Not only did they still have a lot of fun and shared that same easy companionship, but the chemistry between their characters were also the same.

The day ended fairly early, and Jensen had high hopes that they wouldn't need to do any re-takes. He was in a good mood, and when him and Misha met up with Jared later that evening, it was almost like a family reunion party.

The result being, naturally, that all three of them were dead tired the next day, and both breakfast and the visit to the wardrobe trailer were pretty silent. Jared left to continue filming in the asylum studio, while Jensen and Misha were driven to location.

It felt rather natural, being back on set with Misha. Perhaps it was the familiarity, which lulled Jensen into a relaxed state, that made the impact of the scene so shocking to him.

The first part goes well. Dean kills the demon holding Emanuel's wife capture. The demon rolls down the front steps, where it comes to a stop at someone's feet. The man in question stares down at the dead demon, before slowly raising his head, and-

Dean's stomach drops. His chest contracts painfully and his breath is punched out of his lungs. Jensen almost staggers under the emotional onslaught he's experiencing. He only just manages to pull himself together enough to finish the scene, and then he has to ask for a short break. He quickly walks off set to the trailers, leaning back against one of the equipment trucks.

Holy shit.

Despite the hints and questions by the fans, despite all the strange writing, despite Jared's teasing and Misha's amusement, he'd never actually thought that he'd see the day when he himself would see it. But the slowly-slowing beating of his own heart; an echo of the emotions which has exploded in his chest while filming earlier, are undeniable.

Dean is in love with Castiel.

Holy shit.

And they still have the scene with Emanuel and his wife to shoot. Jensen groans and drags a hand over his face (damn it, now he's going to have to go back to make-up and ask them to fix that). As if working wasn't difficult enough before, what with all the pain and sorrow in Dean's life, now he's gone and realised something imore/i difficult about his character which he's not certain if he even ishould/I bring to set.

He had to talk to someone. Just thinking about it on his own was driving him crazy. He just hoped it wasn't visible in his acting, or well, not itoo/i visible at least. Not that it really mattered, he figured, since the fans had managed to see it since season four, despite him not acting like it back then.

He still didn't feel comfortable keeping this like some sort of secret. It wasn't _he _who had feelings for Cas, so why shouldn't he be able to talk about it? Right?

Right.

The most natural choice to bring this up to was Jared. He talked to Jared about everything, and he knew his friend wouldn't make fun of him, seeing as he'd gone and developed feelings for a co-star of his own, and, well, they were ifriends/i.

Jared's first reaction was to make fun of him, naturally.

"Have you been on the internet?"

Jensen frowned. "What?"

Jared shook his head, grinning. "I mean, have you been ireading things/i? Stuff like that messes with your head, trust me, I know."

Jensen glared at him. "No I haven't. And what- what do you mean you iknow/i, why have iyou/i been...?"

Jared shrugged. "Curiosity got the better of me, man. I wouldn't recommend it, some of the stuff they write is pretty freaky, man."

"I don't wanna know," Jensen sighed. "But this isn't about the fans, not really. I mean, obviously they noticed it, too, but I think I would've seen it even if they didn't. Sooner or later. I didn't before, you know, but maybe it's always been there."

Jared raised an eyebrow at him over his coffee mug. "So... is it just Dean? I mean, you're not..."

Jensen quickly shook his head. "Of course not, I have Danneel, and I'm not into guys, you know that. And I don't think Misha is either, no matter how much him and Sebastian flirt."

"So you don't think Misha knows?"

"I have no clue, man. Maybe? We haven't exactly talked about our characters feelings for each other, how weird would that be, seriously?"

"I don't know... Misha connects more with the fans than either of us, maybe he doesn't mind these things? Fans talk about them all the time, after all."

"But iwe/i don't."

And that was that. Jensen didn't know what to do about this new knowledge he'd involuntarily obtained, so he didn't do anything. The filming of the rest of the episode is uncomfortable, but Jensen hopes that it doesn't translate onto the camera in any other way than that Dean doesn't know how to handle having an amnesic Cas to deal with. Misha does give him a few raised eyebrows, but Jensen doesn't offer an explanation, and off-set they're as good friends as ever. Jared doesn't comment on Jensen's revelation either, and the three of them simply fall back into their old routine from earlier seasons; Jared fooling around and being a big goofball, pranking and teasing everyone and their mother, Misha attempting to give as good as he got, all while socializing easily with both cast and crew, and Jensen laughing at their antics while easing the blows a bit when Jared got a little too forward with their practical jokes.

Misha gets a few weeks off while Castiel doesn't appear in the following episodes, but then they get the script for episode twenty-one. Jensen's mouth falls open about a third through the script. He knows Ben isn't as afraid of pushing the line, but he hadn't expected anyone on the show to be this bold.

The episode contains a confession.

And not any confession, either; iDean's/i confession. Of his feelings for Cas.

Jensen ignores the strange fluttering nerves his stomach erupts into, and reaches for his phone. Jared has clearly exchanged his manuscript for a fake one again. Ne should have expected it, seeing as nothing is holy to the great Jared Padalecki when it comes to pulling pranks. He'd probably been itching to make use of Jensen's realisation from the moment they'd talked about it. But then he remembers that Jared is back in the US for the weekend, and while Jensen supposes he could still have asked one of the crew to help him plant the script, he doubts that is the case. Jared gets distracted when he's about to go home to see Gen and Thomas; he wouldn't have had the presence of mind to pull this off.

He hesitates with his fingers on the buttons. It can't be real, right? As he continues reading, the rest of the story seems executed really skilfully, and the shift in Dean and Castiel's relationship is well integrated into the episode, and doesn't feel out of place at all. The scene where Dean and Cas comes clean before Sam, telling him about their feelings while standing hand-in-hand in the middle of their tiny cottage is makes for awkward reading, and Jensen instantaneously knows that Jared will have way too much fun with it, and Misha will probably just shrug it off - he's played more uncomfortable parts than a gay angel before, so.

The problem is Jensen himself. He isn't uncertain about whether this is a good choice for the characters' development anymore, not with the butterflies in his stomach every time Cas was mentioned to Dean during the latest episodes. But could he act it out? The script in his hands says nothing about further intimacy besides the hand-holding, but he has no doubt that if this is the direction things are going, things are going to start happening.

Either that or Cas is going to be killed off. Which he kind of doesn't want to consider, at least not yet.

His fingers are moving again before he can take not of it, and Danneel answers after only a few tones has rung.

"Jensen! How are things going? I'm just going to bed."

"...so, uhm, I have to ask you something."

There's a short silence.

"I'm not so sure that I'll like this..."

"Oh, it's nothing you have to worry about! I swear, it's just. I have the next script, and... Well."

"What, there's something wrong with the- They aren't killing Dean, are they?"

"No, nothing like that. But I might have to film another bedroom scene soon."

"Oh~ Who's the lucky lady? Has she been casted?"

"Uh. It's not..."

He can ihear/i Danneel's questioning expression.

"It's not...?"

"It's not a girl. It's Misha."

This time, the silence is very long.

"You are kidding me."

"I am completely serious. And... Danneel, I can't disagree with it. Dean is definitely in love with Cas."

"I know, honey."

Jensen blinks. "You do?"

"Hmm-mh. I mean, it's been obvious since season four that the two of them have very unique chemistry. I've always been so impressed by how you act during scenes with Misha. You two are great together and I think it translates really well for the viewers. They are going to love this."

"You... You're okay with this?"

"Of course; I've seen you act professional throughout more difficult scenes. I mean, they aren't going to do anything too scandalous; it iis/i the CW after all. Right?"

Jensen can't really argue with that. All he has to do is to hope that Misha will also be okay with this development.

And that they will still have viewers left once these new episodes are aired.

"Goddammit Cas! Stop fucking apologising!"

Dean shoves the stupid board game aside, scattering game pieces all over the floor. Castiel follows the pieces with his eyes, slowly, as they come to a still. His eyes are expressionless as he raises them to Dean's face.

"Why did you come here, Dean?"

"Not to listen to you repeat yourself like a broken record, that's for fucking sure!" Dean growls, eyes blazing.

"But I want you to know-"

"I iknow/i, okay? Stop saying it!"

"Then what else do you want from me, Dean?" Castiel asks, voice dead, exasperated.

"I want-" Dean stops himself, snatching his eyes away from Castiel's face. He draws a deep breath, getting to his feet. "We need your help."

"I am in no condition to interact with the outside world, Dean. It could be dangerous."

"I know that better than anyone, but what choice do we have? This is too big for us, Cas, we can't handle friggen iarchangels/i, not itwo/i of them."

"I fail to see how me being with you will help; I am not as strong as I used to be; I am cut off from Heaven, and with Lucifer's grace interrupting my-"

"I don't care if you don't think you can help, it's the only option we have!"

"Dean, I'm sorry-"

"I told you to stop-" Dean ground his teeth together. He turned away to not have to watch Castiel's slumped form, all the power he'd come to associate with the angel drained out of him through the continued tortures of freaking devil-hallucinations.

"I need you there, okay?" he finally admits, voice so low and strained he doubts Castiel will even be able to hear him. The thought makes him brave enough to keep talking. "All this time, all these months, after we lost you, then Bobby, I've been a wreck. Not just because of Sam's cracked head."

Castiel doesn't say anything, and Dean wonders briefly if he's even listening anymore. He both hopes he isn't and somehow... there is a part of him that also hopes - and it's painful - that he is.

"I need you there because I'm not myself without you. Not anymore. I don't know if-" He trails off, throat too tight with emotion to continue. He can't say it. He hasn't even admitted to himself what Castiel's return has made him realise about his feelings for the angel, because honestly, how could he? How could he, Dean Winchester, ever expect anything like that to work out? Everything in his life fell apart, in one way or another. No matter how hard he tried to do things right. The conclusion was that Dean icouldn't/i do things right.

What right did he have to drag Castiel back into his mess of a life? Simply because ihe/i didn't feel complete without him there? It wasn't fair to Castiel, he'd lost so much because of Dean already. Just look at where they were right now.

"If what, Dean?" comes Castiel's soft voice behind him, and Dean loses it.

"If I can live without you, okay? You son of a bitch, why'd you have to come back and make this so difficult?"

"I'm so-"

Dean whirls around slams his hand into the table, his eyes shooting daggers at the angel.

"I swear to god if you say you're sorry one more time I'll hit you so hard and I don't care if it breaks my wrist!"

"-aaaand cut!"

Jensen leans back, steeling himself and trying to calm down his breathing and the erratic beating of his heart. At the side of the room, Ben is shooting him a thumbs up, and he grins and nods back. Misha is getting his make-up checked quickly before they continue the scene, and the statists in nurse clothes are positioning themselves to wait for their cues to enter and attempt to calm down the man making a scene in the asylum's common room.

Jensen draws a deep breath. This is actually going pretty well, despite all his worries. Even though they both know that their characters' relationship is standing at an important turning point, him and Misha has been able to act just as they normally does both before and during shooting. It's a great relief. It helps him to not focus on the odd feeling of his own emotions colliding with those of his character's. He truly hopes no one will notice, as he really doubts this is normal.

Maybe he's been playing Dean Winchester for too long.

As they wrap up for the day, Misha and Jensen walk to the wardrobe trailer together.

"I just don't see why I can't go back in these clothes; I won't even have to change to go to bed, I'm already wearing my pyjamas," Misha comments and grins.

Jensen sniggers. "Well, we'll just have to hope they allow Cas a few more changes of wardrobe than previous seasons," he says.

"Mm-hm." Just before they reach the trailer however, Misha stops Jensen with a hand on his arm. "Hey, Jensen, you're alright with this, right?"

Jensen raises an eyebrow. "With what, your clothes? Dude, I couldn't care less, I think it's very Cas to wear the trench coat over it, too..."

"Not the clothes," Misha interrupts. His gaze reach an almost Cas-like intensity as he studies Jensen for a moment. Wow, associations he really didn't need while off-set with a co-star with whom he's supposed to act out a budding relationship all while he's having trouble stabilising his own feelings regarding the matter, that's one of them. "I mean Dean and Castiel. What do you think about it, are you okay with it?"

"Why-" Jensen clears his throat. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"I was thinking maybe it's a little intense?"

"Intense like...?"

Misha shrugs. "I mean, we've been playing them a certain way for so long, and if we were to keep that level of chemistry, things could take a turn which I wasn't sure you would be comfortable with."

Jensen stared at Misha in surprise. "How long have you been playing Cas in this 'certain way' you mentioned, exactly?"

Misha shrugged. "Since mid-season five, I think. Or maybe season four. I don't really remember, sometimes I wonder if Castiel hasn't always felt that way about Dean."

Jensen wasn't sure how to handle these news. So he iwasn't/i the only one discovering things about his character which hadn't been scripted yet. But then he remembered something.

"Hey, if you've known about it for that long, why do you keep avoiding questions about Dean and Cas's relationship in panels?"

Misha laguhed. " And give the fans a real answer? Me?"

Jensen couldn't help but chuckle, the knot of nervousness in his stomach finally dissolving. "How could I forget, you love to mess with your 'minions'."

He shook his head, still smiling. Suddenly the next few weeks of shooting didn't feel so impossible, and seeing as there really wasn't any tension between Misha and himself, despite the fact that not only did Misha know about their characters' mutual feelings for each other, but he'd known his character felt that way almost since the beginning of them working together. It had never affected the way the two of them acted before, why should that change now?

"But wow, Dean really isn't good with this whole emotion-stuff," Jensen said as they continued walking towards the trailer.

"How so?" Misha asked.

"Guess when he finally understood what he was feeling for Cas isn't regular friendship?"

"...I want to say at the end of the fifth season, because of all those innuendoes and everything, but somehow I doubt it."

"Not even close. He didn't understand it until he met Emanuel."

"You're joking."

"Completely serious."

"So should be practice holding hands for the big reveal?"

"Ugh, no, I know you always have sweaty hands."


End file.
